Can we all just take a minute to spare a thought for Jessica Alba who posted a picture of her fresh mani-pedi to Instagram and is now drowning in foot fetish comments.
Forget degrees of a triangle, we need to take this opportunity to teach kids never to post pictures of their feet on the Internet. Unless you want a stranger to comment "them toes" with a heart eyed emoji.
And if that does sound appealing to you, no shade. I would however strongly suggest you set yourself up an Only Fans account and make bank while your toes are still supple.
Anyway, back to Jessica.
So on Monday Jessica naively posted a picture of her fresh toes and two thoughts ran through my mind.
The first being that she has possibly the healthiest looking feet I've ever seen and I'm incredibly envious. The second however was more of a brain command which sent me straight to the comments section.
You see I've been around the world wide web long enough to know that feet pics are a hot commodity, let alone feet pics from one of the most beautiful actresses in the world with an Instagram following of 19million.
I just wish I'd got the chance the tell Jessica that.
"All the feet dudes are about to lose it," wrote one user who clearly ran to the comments section just like me.
Some people were less creepy and more observant, "Bet you could crush a beer can with those bad boys!"
While others found reassurance in the feet of an A list actress, "I have the same toes. My second toe is longer than all the rest. I have never seen this before on another person, so to see it on your feet makes me not feel so weird."
"Wow, a Foot pic and I didn’t even have to pay for it," 'joked' another user. While someone else took it upon themselves to choose favourites, "I speak on behalf of the foot fetish weirdo community ….between u and @salmahayek y’all got the best feeetz"
As we all make a mental note to Google search Salma Hayek's feet, just remember to never post a picture of your own, unless you want to be reading comments like, "Okay your feet are so beautifully soft."
Or, "Nice looking feet darling them toes and the red is banging." Not forgetting, "Beautiful little feet and toes"
However I've saved the best, or should that be the worst till last. Apologies in advance if this ruins the nursery rhyme for you...
"Check out those happy little piggies lol, hope you're having a good weekend."
Follow Laura on Instagram (not if you're looking for foot pics).
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Laura is a former writer for Cosmopolitan UK, covering everything beauty and fashion related and specialises in makeup, plus-size fashion and the world of YouTube. Her favourite pastime is reminding everyone of that one time she met Charlie Hunnam and Jason Momoa. Please don't ask to see the pictures...
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