Unparalleled in its butterfly-inducing excitement is the “talking phase” of a relationship. You know the one—you’re anxiously waiting for the person you’ve been on a couple dates and feel crazy chemistry with to text you back, your nightly phone calls are your favorite part of the day, and you’re counting down the days until you get to hang out with them again. But more than just a fun and flirty stage, it’s also a crucial getting-to-know you era. The relationship is new and you’re both putting your best foot forward in order to decide if you want to make it official, so when you text, you want to ask questions and bring in conversation starters that’ll tell you as much as possible about your overall compatibility. (While still, ya know, not feeling like a job interview and actually being fun.)
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According to Mia Lux, the co-founder and CEO of the dating app and virtual social club, La Vette Social Club, texting can be a great flirting tool. But if you want to stand out in a sea of matches and Instagram slides, you’re going to want to make your texts feel special. “Think about giving value and adding to their day instead of being just another notification on their phone,” she says. That means nix the basic “how are you?” texts and think about the goal of your convo. Are you trying to get to know the person? Are you curious about something specific? Do you simply want to remind them you exist? Figure out the purpose before hitting send.
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And take your time—there’s no rush! Don’t wait a whole day to text them back, but a short delay between messages gives you both a little more time to respond thoughtfully, which can be beneficial if you’re nervous or still testing the waters, says Lux.
Just remember: Texting is great, but it also makes it “hard to accurately assess what someone is like just from their messages. All the key non-verbal cues (how they sound, how they move, etc.) that give us an idea of if we feel safe with and are attracted to someone are missing,” says Lux. So even if you have great banter via text, don’t forget to take your connection offline to get a real feel for the person.
Whether things are platonic, you’re on a first date, or you’re in a long-term relationship and just wanna mix things up, here are 50 conversation starters for texting that’ll take your banter from basic to productive in 100 characters or less.
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Bookmark this page and remember: You no longer have to talk about the weather or complain about work. Use the above and watch your convos flow with ease!
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Rachel Varina is a full-time freelance writer covering everything from the best vibrators (the Lelo Sona) to the best TV shows (The Vampire Diaries). She has over 10 years of editorial experience with bylines at Women's Health, Elite Daily, Betches, and more. She lives in Tampa, Florida, but did not feed her husband to tigers. When she's not testing out new sex toys (100+ and counting so far!), she's likely chilling with her dogs or eating buffalo chicken dip. Ideally at the same time. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
Veronica Lopez is the sex and relationships editor at Cosmopolitan, where she covers and edits stories about single life, dating, relationships, sex, identity, and more. Previously, she was the sex and dating editor at Elite Daily. Follow her on Instagram here and on Twitter here.
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